Bad Art

I knew Bad Art was trouble the minute I first laid eyes on him. He had been left behind by a visiting friend who had previously been served an ultimatum by his wife '' It goes and it never comes back''. Bad Art  has a lot of relatives out there so he probably comes from a lineage of sorts.

Bad Art

Our cohabitation didn't start off too well. First off, he didn't get along with the other Arts in the house and he certainly didn't endear himself by hiding in the dryer and frightening my poor wife Carole half to death one afternoon (partially my fault for putting him there..lol). The dogs weren't too crazy about him either. Charlie almost pissed on him. I tried hard to find him some use around the house.

He was good at scaring the crows for a while but he was also scaring the rest of the wildlife, not to mention my next door neighbor. How could I change Bad Art to Good Art..? Was this at all feasible without the use of booze or perception altering drugs..?
So, in a last ditch attempt to make Bad Art blend in and fit in, I told him : ''Art, what you have is an image problem. Maybe a make over would smooth out the rough edges and make you more palatable to the rest of us like on one of those reality tv shows.'' My first try failed miserably. A cap and sun glasses didn't really hide the fact that Art was a bad ass. If anything he looked even scarier than ever. Not the kind of Art you would like to come across in a dimly light museum corridor.

Bad Ass

Maybe a shave..? I thought. It could give him a sense of self worth. True, Art didn't have that much of a beard , but a little proper grooming can go a long way in rebuilding one's self confidence. It worked for Mickey Rourke..!

Close shave

And that squirrel tail like hairdo had to change. A little mousse and presto..? Well almost a decent look. Art's disgruntled grin, a cross between Billy Idol's sneer and the locked jaw of a pit-bull was still overshadowing the partial make over. A nice saccharin smile would certainly help but would no doubt be too much of a stretch and could possibly kill poor Art, as he would crack up like an over boiled egg. So I opted for a grin instead.

New and improved

After all of this, something was amiss. Bad Art had changed physically but was still in essence '' Bad Art''. Maybe is problem was deeper than I thought. How he perceived himself might have had more to do with it than how we perceived him...Maybe..? So, I decided to show him what Good Art looked like. He seemed interested at first, but I soon discovered that it would have little or no effect on the dude. He was conceived that way and to go against his creator's intent, would have brought on his complete demise. And so, as expected, he reverted to his old self.

In light of my failure to convert Bad Art, the only solution I was left with was to send him packing. Problem is that, Bad Art doesn't travel or move well. Having no arms and legs doesn't help that much either. And that pretty much ruled out hitchhiking. Finally, almost in desperation, I finally found Art a home where he seemed to belong at long last...the garbage..! He fit in there like a turd in the sewer. I just love happy endings..! 

Moral of the story: Bad Art will always be Bad Art, no matter how you try to pass it off.