Nice planet, we'll take it

Professor Stephen Hawking is probably the most intelligent man on the face of the Earth. He now occupies a chair that was once held by Sir Isaac Newton, one of the most influential people in human history. In a recent Discovery Channel series, he warns about making contact with aliens, claiming they could raid our planet for resources.
Come again....! This seems like a stretch of the imagination, even for my hippie era chemically altered synapses.
What resources are we talking about here..? Oil..? Unless they use kerosene lamps for ambiance aboard their spaceships, I don't think they need this kind of fuel to hop from one galaxy to another. I've yet to hear of a UFO sighting where an ET vehicle ascended rapidly leaving a trail of diesel black smoke.
Water..? Most of our drinking water is contaminated. And the one that's not smells like fish. So unless the extra terrestrials are more of a reptilian origin and like a little low tide stink with their drink...I think not.
Wood..? We still have a lot of that even though we're trying hard to deplete it. Maybe they're into making their own Ikea like furniture or just carvings and candle holders to sell at intergalactic craft fairs.
Very improbable.
Uranium also comes to mind. But since most observers report them as being gray, hairless and androgynous, I suspect that they already have their cosmic hands on ample supplies of the radioactive gold .
Actually, the only resource I envision the space travelers would contemplate plundering are Happy Meals from McDonald's and Nike sneakers. Those, we have in abundance and would gladly turn over... for a price, mind you.
As far as making hostile contact with us, somebody should warn the aliens. We could nuke them five times over. We're sitting on 23,300 (disclosed) nuclear warheads spread around the world. We'd destroy ourselves in the process. But as the great thespian Sylvester Stalone once said...'' Gotta do what I gotta do''.
Besides, we also possess a complete arsenal of bacteriological and viral goodies we could throw at the invaders. H1n1, swine flue, small pox, aids, Ebola and the ever popular anthrax to name just a few. We could conjure up a welcome cocktail that would make them wish they had never set foot on our lowly planet after bleeding from the eyes for days and turning inside out with diarrhea. This would come after our first line of defense will have set the tone for the confrontation. An army of drunken hillbillies wearing I'm with stupid t-shirts and carrying double barrel shotguns loaded with 6 inch nails and broken glass would no doubt repel even the foolhardiest of space conquerors.
So as you can see, I don't loose sleep over this. I'm more worried about what the harm that we humans can do rather than some alien predators taking over what's left of our dismal planet. Professor Hawking did however coin this phrase of wisdom which should remain etched in our collective conscience for future generations.
''We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet''.
Amen to that....!


Footnote: After raking my brain this week to find a suitable picture to illustrate this blog, I settled on the trailer for Mars Attacks! by Tim Burton. Burton produced this little gem to show how Ed Wood, the worst producer to ever come out of Hollywood, would've crafted another one of his scifi duds, with the movie technology available in 1996.

I miss G.W.

I miss Georges W. Bush. This may seem odd to you, even disturbing coming from me. Don't get me wrong. I hated him as much as you can hate anybody. I almost set my alarm to wake up in the middle of the night so I could hate him more, not having enough hours during the day.
But life was interesting, even exhilarating when W was around. It felt like the sixties when anything could happen and it usually did. We were sort of living on the edge not knowing if or when we would be propelled into a nuclear war of epic proportions. He could have gotten up in the middle of the night to pee and instead of flicking the light switch, he could have pressed the Armageddon button and initiated our ultimate demise. The guy was an idiot. Even his handlers must have shit in their pants a few times. I don't really get that feeling of insecurity from Obama. Sure, he also has his handlers, but he's smart and I doubt if he would engage in morally reprehensible acts even when pushed to do so for the good of the nation.

How an idiot like W became president is beyond comprehension. Georges started out being pelted by eggs at his inauguration parade but later on in his mandate, in a short time span of 24 hours, he became the Supreme Commander. GI Joe in the oval office. 9/11 was to G.W.Bush what Casablanca was to Bogart. A starring role and he played it to a tee. If anything, I would certainly have given the guy an Oscar for the performance of a lifetime, considering is limited mental capacities and dismal background.
'' In the role of leader of the free world, the winner is....''

Yes folks, it seems that a dozen or so crazy Arabs with less flying experience than a turkey, armed with box cutters and a scenario straight out from Hollywood, foiled the most protected air space in the world and propelled Junior to greater heights and power than even his dad had ever attained during office. From that day on, the whole New World, armed with sophisticated satellites, ubiquitous spies, military intelligence and an enormous deployment of ground troops, invaded hostile countries and went looking for a six foot Arab who apparently lived in a cave somewhere between here and Pakistan, and who incidentally, popped up in threatening videos every time life seemed to be getting back to normal.

I too fell for the official story at first. But then little bells started to ring left and right. Questions went unanswered and pieces of the puzzle went missing. A couple of web sites sprung up with the same questions. Le Réseau Voltaire for one, started analyzing the attack on the Pentagon. Then came The Scholars for 9/11 Truth. A very in depth look at the official story and how it doesn't stand up to scrutiny.
Then I found this video from The Power Hour, In Plane Sight. What's interesting about this effort to uncover the truth is that it takes photos and videos we've all seen but were too caught up in the moment to really notice anything. What especially got to me in this video is the footage of the second plane hitting the tower.
There are no distinguishable markings on the plane, and guess what...there are no windows.

Kind of odd for a commercial flight don't you think..? I mean... I've heard of no frills flights but this is ridiculous. I hope they were at least offered free peanuts before the crash.
Better yet....These anomalies are confirmed live on TV by a Fox reporter who was there by chance that day.



9 years later, the memories of that fatal day are waning as fast as the interest for Paris Hilton and her sexual antics. I think it would be fair to those who died and their loved ones that we keep lit the flame of truth, so that the real perpetrators of this attack on freedom be brought forward to answer for their despicable deeds.
I once read a quote that resonated even louder after the September 11th events.
"After lying to the electorate for decades, the only instrument of control left to the politicians is fear".

Footnote: My favorite G.W.Bush joke.
You're a photo journalist covering flash floods in Texas. Suddenly, from the bank of a raging river you spot G.W.Bush clinging to a branch and on the verge of drowning. You only have time to either save him and be a hero or snap a Pulitzer prize winning photo.Now here's the trick question.....
Which lens do you use!

Privacy

First off to avoid any confusion, I must admit that I'm biased when it comes to Google. I've always been a big fan of the two founders, what they have accomplished and how they generally conduct business when compared to other big corporations. I use just about anything they can dish at me, especially their string of online applications. They're free, they're great, I use them, So there...!
A lot has been said about Google and privacy. Some people don't even use their gmail application because they're somehow afraid that every email sent is read in the basement of Google's HQ by an army of whistle blowers with a direct phone line to a slew of powerful government agencies. And some also feel threatened by Google's Earth's street view. I think it's cool to see my country house in street view. I was just relieved that I didn't have the contents of my basement strewn across the front lawn for a yard sale when they took the picture. Privacy on or off the web has never been an issue with me. Why...? Simply because I don't lie, steal, cheat on my wife, grow pot, download porn, plot to overthrow the government or live in a glass house where I occasionally hang from the ceiling naked, whilst a 6 foot German dominatrix shrink wrapped in black leather flogs my genitals with a miniature whip.
There are only two intrusions of privacy I really hate and worry about. The first one is being disturbed when I'm naturally evacuating yesterday's food intake, quietly reading a paper. I don't want to answer questions through the door, be notified that somebody called or worse, incited to get the job done quickly so someone else can use the facilities.
The second one, the one that everybody should be worrying about is the credit information that the banks and other financial institutions peddle around behind our backs. In today's bottom line world, this is how we are measured as individuals. Our capacity to borrow and reimburse is paramount and determined by cold, calculating people we've probably never met. They rank us, and will, without prior warning, destroy our credibility at the blink of an eye. Anyone who has ever experienced an error related problem with a credit card company, bank or other financial institution will attest to this. Credit hell..! And worse, to untangle a mess you never created in the first place, you need to have a phone surgically attached to your ear so when someone answers after two and a half days, you can beg them to review your status.
These people have more info and power on us than any government ever will. If you find this a tad on the paranoia side then ask yourself this question...Why did we get a World Bank before we got a World Government..?Big Brother is here. He doesn't want to read your funny emails or watch you when your blinds aren't closed. He wants you to spend beyond your means. Because in a capitalist world, debt is the best known form of subjugation.

Support your local church

Georges Carlin once said that religion is mind control. I couldn't agree more. Like him, I was raised a catholic and before I could utter a syllable, I got water splashed on me in some weird ritual. Later on I got slapped in the face, was made to kneel in a little box so I could receive punishment for whatever horrific sins I could recall as a 10 year old and went through their aerobics program every Sunday....Sit, stand, sing, kneel, stand, sit, sing and, at the end, sheepishly waited in line for a poor excuse of a cookie . All this because it was The Way and nobody questioned it. I won't touch on the Vatican Bank scandal or how the Catholic religion has subjugated women for the better part of it's existence. I also won't dwell on their reluctance to deal with the pedophiles in their midst, their ageless homophobic views, and I certainly won't ridicule (sorry but I just can't resist) the name Ratzinger which to me would be a great name for an extermination company. Ratzinger Pest Control....Vermin have you under their spell...? We'll send them all to Hell. All these subjects being a little too meaty for now...maybe in another blog.
My friend Georges (I call him my friend because I have felt close to his views for the last 30 years) also said that God, this invisible being in the sky, although omnipotent, somehow can't handle money. He always needs more. Uhm...! Food for thought. Case in point....The Cathos (I like the word...It's like pathos) where I come from, never paid property taxes on their churches, schools, monasteries and assorted lands while forever reaching in the sometimes shallow pockets of their poor zombie believers for the upkeep of their enormous properties. Meanwhile, the head office in Italy, was swimming in a sea of luxury. This is starting to look like your standard corporate greed is it not...? Maybe even a pyramid scheme...!
Turns out these days that, because of higher maintenance costs and dwindling attendance, the head office has decided to downsize and restructure by selling off assets. Churches and monasteries mostly, to condo developers and the like. This I understand, having done this in the past myself when in dire straights. What I don't get is, if these pious squatters never paid property taxes in the community, shouldn't some of the money from the sale go back into the community that fronted the tax bill for years and years...? More food for thought...!
Now...now, I can also be empathetic, having run a small business for years myself. So, in the hope that they can raise enough money to keep the show going and not sell out without paying back to the communities who supported them, I'm offering my humble solution.A cologne in the image of The Holy See. Eau de Benedict.
If Liz Taylor and the aptly named rapper, 50 cents, can have one, why not old Ben, the most famous unelligible bachelor in the world. If you think this is far fetched, you should know that they already sell just about everything else at the Vatican gift shop, from a Holy Father puzzle to a Sistina chapel's mouse pad ....Just take a look... you'll be surprised... http://www.vaticangift.com/
Foot note. This is important. You should also know that the Church now sells steeple space to cellphone providers for their antennas. This creates an inordinate amount of microwave concentration in the vicinity. Small children are reported to have fallen sick from this exposure while The Church denies any ill harm.

Flip side

Today I thought we'd have a little fun with Adobe Photoshop, probably the best piece of software ever written. When I was a kid, I got a kick out of Dr. Jekill and Mr. Hyde and how the bad side in each and everyone of us is only a thin layer away. Then, growing up, this dichotomy of sorts was resurfaced by one of my all time favorite authors, Edgar Allan Poe, and specifically in the story William Wilson.
What the hell does Photoshop have to do with Edgar Poe you're probably wondering. Well, when I started doing darkroom work, we use to do trick imagery.
One of my personal favorites was to combine the same half of a face by flipping the negative. Since our facial features are asymmetric, the results are often puzzling to say the least. Of course, this is where Photoshop is used in lieu of getting our hands wet in a badly ventilated homemade darkroom while preventing your loved ones from using the crapper as you dabble at your craft.
Let's take our fearless leader, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, for example. You'll see in the middle pic from the PM's website, that he looks the part. Caring yet firm,even genuine.

Everything you would expect from a guy who's daily job is to run a country in the free world. Now take a look at flip #2 on the left. This guy looks like the kind of guy you would trust without blinking an eye. Kind, benevolent, has a wife and kids, involved in the community, helps old ladies cross the street. Hell..! he even sings Beatles songs while playing the piano. We'll call him Angel Eyes.
Then there's this guy in flip pic #3 on the right.Let's call him The Prorogator. He comes across as being devious, antidemocratic and ready to sacrifice everybody's future, including his children's, for the sake of big oil interests,just like he did in Copenhagen.
The point here I guess is that, as there are two sides to every coin, there are two sides to every person. Unfortunately, like it plays out in Poe's William Wilson, Stephen Harper's bad side is slowly winning over the good and it's scary...

Speed stopper

For week two, I thought that I'd talk about one of the biggest nuisances
that I face here everyday...at least it is to me. Remember I told you we left the city to escape the frantic pace..? Well it seems that fast and reckless driving is no longer confined to urban areas. Our house is on the main road to town. A few miles from it not more. We're definitely in a residential area (we have the tax bill to prove it). But somehow some of the people who drive on this road, still think they have yet to reach civilization and drive like Mad Max even though the speed limit is roughly 30 miles per hour.
Now the city cannot afford a police force (remember the sidewalk) so they rely on the SQ which
is basically like the highway patrol. Since I've moved here 8 months ago, I've only seen them once, hidden out of view, waiting to pounce on the notorious contraveners. This was a Tuesday afternoon, around 2:30, in the pouring rain, in mid September, at the main crossing in town, when you could've gone bowling naked on main street without anybody noticing. I bet you the catch was a tad on the slim side that day. That Volvo driving soccer mom who always clocks in at a whopping 33 mph didn't show that day. It's almost insulting to see how they waste our money....But I digress..!
Anyway, I came up with my own little speed reducing plan. At first I wanted to put a life size cutout of Angelina Jolie wearing nothing but a sign covering the important parts that would've read...
SLOW DOWN YOU'LL MISS THE SCENERY
But then I got paranoid. What if she has a country house in the area. Could happen.. I imagined opening my front door to a raging Brad Pitt. If you saw Fight Club, you don't want to get him angry. Also, I would've been branded a sexist pig by the women in town (the three of them). So, since most of the speeders are either truckers on a route, lawyers on Harleys who dress up as their clients and prepubescent kids with a fresh new driver's license, I came up with my own little speed stopper.as you'll see in the picture (the sign is blown up on the upper left hand side). I think it might be an uphill battle to sell the idea to the city council.....

Intro

I'm starting this blog, not out of boredom, but mainly because I find it to be a good vehicule to reach a lot of people at the same time on any given subject. Contrary to Seinfeld's show, this blog will be about everything, meaning that whatever I feel I want to talk about, that'll be it. I've never been known to be politically correct and although I feel this movement has gone way too far, I will make an effort (maybe) not to offend with my humor, remarks or rants.
So, first about me. I live in a small, sleepy little town in the Quebec Laurentians with my wife and two dogs in an old centennial house. A place where you can gaze at the stars and hear a pin drop at night. This town is small. They don't need to roll up the sidewalks at night because they only have one...on one side...in the center of town....that runs about 500 feet. I kid you not. They might have lost the recipe for cement...Who knows.
Anyway, we moved here to escape the frantic pace of the city in June 2009 but we're slowly spending our retirement fund on gas because we still travel to the city to work.
But hey..! it's worth it..! We're surrounded by nature and we can go for hour long walks in the woods with the dogs. Not to mention peeing outside without being arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior. If you pee in the forest and there's no one to see you, are you exposed? This is obviously our first winter here and we've managed pretty well if you don't count the two and a half feet of snow that fell on us in the last few days. That's the great thing about mountainous regions, when everyone else gets rain...we get walloped with snow...But I digress....Back to me...
I was, and in some respect still am, a photographer. I worked as a freelancer for over 25 years. I love the fixed image. That's why you'll see images on this blog on a regular basis. Sometimes mine, sometimes somebody else's, and other times some of my favorites. I also have vested interests in art,computers, music, philosophy, current affairs, politics and of course, humor. So stay tuned and hopefully you'll be entertained and I'll have fun doing it.